Sometimes I look at the people with whom I spend my time with and wonder: Are you going to be in my life when I’ll need you the most? Are you going to be by my side, when everything is ugly around me, and love me even when I’m not lovable? Are you going to be there? I don’t even know.
My friend, my dearest friend, who I expected to be there no matter what, let me go when everything was so damn unstable in my life. “I don’t enjoy hanging out with you anymore. You never laugh with me anymore and you always seem like your head is somewhere else. It makes being with you into more of an obligation than a desire,” he said in a text message.
Really? After years of our friendship, I thought the dark period of my life could not possibly affect anything in our friendship. I was wrong. God, how many things I wanted to tell him, how badly I wanted to curse him out. I took a deep breath.
“Okay. Thanks for your honesty.” – said a hurt, but cold-blooded version of me. I don’t know if I was just fed up with everything, or if my pride was blocking everything inside, or if it was everything together. But that’s all I wanted to say.
But why was it him? I’d never left him, even when he was not that fun. I remember when he was the most depressing person I’d been talking to, but it didn’t make me want to walk away.
Maybe it’s just me, but I think friends are there to support you no matter what; to hug you and hold you when the whole world is against you. They are your shelter during a disaster and your pedestal during the times you shine. But not everyone thinks the way I do, and expecting something in return is not always the best idea. “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” You are so damn right, Shakespeare.
It’s been six months since that day, but a lot of things have changed. The non-existence of this person in my life hasn’t changed anything. I’m really surprised, and I didn’t expect it, but it is this way. It seems as if the whole universe helped me to get rid of everything that was dragging me down. The reoccurring flashbacks became the only thing reminding me of this person.
The chapter is over.
***
Life is a journey. We all are travelers in one sense or another. We all have our own paths and our own maps. Our paths intersect, and we create moments and memories. But sometimes we need to move on.
Time flies and we change. Some people that walked with me for a long time had taken a different direction, and by the end of the day I don’t even see their silhouettes on the horizon. Some people that I’ve left long behind caught up with me, and now we are walking forward together again. Some people have never left, and we have survived the storms together.
But the circle never ends.
I love, and I am loved. I hurt, and I am hurt. A lot of people left my life and I left a lot of people’s lives. It’s a continuous and never ending cycle. Sometimes the circle eliminates the figures of the people I love, just because they don’t fit there anymore. At the end of the day, I realize that those were not the missing pieces of the puzzle. They were just temporary pieces, holding the picture together.
